2006-08-06

MySpace

From http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/MySpace (reproduced with permission).

MySpace is the latest and greatest Internet game craze that's sweeping the planet! Everybody is in on it: Jesus, my family, Your mom, Josh Ballard, dead novelists and philosophers, goths, chavs and nerds and Lima-Beans and Emos!

Scoring

The object of the game is to earn as many points as possible in three different categories.

Here's how to score points:

Profile Design

  • Make text an unreadable color (+2350 points)
  • Choose a background that makes your whole page unreadable (+2500 points)
  • Steal a copyrighted video and put it on your profile (+2300 points)
  • Be banned for life after being caught using copyrighted music videos/songs (game over)
  • Be stupid enough to use a MySpace profile editor, such as Thomas' Myspace Editor (+450 points, +314 more if you don't take out the message saying it on your MySpace page)
  • Use a cursor that would not normally be used (+475 points, +200 more if it is an hourglass cursor or a hand cursor)
  • Have pictures that force even 1600×1200 users to scroll left and right (+1200 points, +500 points if its porn)
  • Use the tag for a whole paragraph (+365 points)
  • Create a scrolling photo gallery out of that tag (+730 points)
  • Use the tag for a whole paragraph (+365 points [+1000 if it is used for the whole page])
  • TYPE LIKE THIS (+1500 POINTS)
  • TyPe LiKe ThIs (+2300 PoInTs)
  • type like thissssssssssssssssss (+2500 pointssssssss)
  • Jaja xDDDDDDD!!! O_o type like this :D (+4000 points)
  • ya nigga typeb like dis an i kill yall family cuz 50 cent is kewl (+1 point per spelling error)
  • Cause someone's browser to crash with your profile (+404 points, +5252 if the victim was not using Internet Explorer, +269,064 if the victim was using Lynx or another text-based browser)
  • Use Javascript to cause users to unknowingly add you as their buddy (+1000 points per friend)
  • Create a custom top 8 (+8000 points, +1000 for every additional friend you put on)
  • Hide your top 8 (-12000 points, -1500 if you hide your link to your friends list)
  • Hide your comments (-11000 points)
  • Change your display name to something completely unrelated to your real name (e.g. "i feel -->(INVISIBLE??)") (+370 points)
  • Change your display name to a stupid variant of your real name (e.g. KuH-lAiRe) (+150 points)
  • Change your display name once every 3 hours so no one recognizes you (-1400 points)
  • _~-**Put as many characters in your display name as possible that are not letters or numbers**-~_ (+25 for every character)

Content

  • Put a reference to sex on your page (+690 points per reference)
  • Take ridiculously angled pictures with a camera using angled mirrors. (3,000 Points, each additonal mirror is +1,000)
  • If you are a guy, show a six pack as your main picture (+1,000 points)
  • If you are a girl, show breasts as your main picture (+1,000 points, 5000 more if you are under 16)
  • Put pictures of your drunken stupors (+3000 points)
  • If you are a straight fat girl, put "bi" as your sexual orientation (+1050 points)
  • Put a reference to drinking if you are underage (+1500 points, 900 point bonus if you have pictures of you drinking)
  • Make a reference to really crappy music-group, with a lead singer that looks disturbingly androgynous (+2000 points)
  • Post ASCII art in a comment (+300 points, +500 points if it's that nude ASCII girl, -402 points if it's LUEshi)
  • If your last words are posted to your MySpace (+5000 points)
  • Have a terrible poem in your profile (+300 points, -10 if it's about suicide)
  • Have tildes/asterisks either side of your name (+700 points, +900 if both)
  • Refer to your emo lifestyle (+400 points, +200 more if you aren't kidding)
  • List hobbies as gaming and spending time on myspace (-2000 for gaming, -500 for unhealthy time spent on the internet)
  • Link to porn (-5000)
  • Say you are at MySpace for serious relationships (dependent on gender, females +7000, males -7000)
  • Say that you are really into music (+5000, -10000 if you actually are)
  • Say you play guitar (+7000, +1500 more if you link to a video with you actually in it playing)
  • Say you play guitar, posting a video of it that is actually from John Petrucci (+5000, +12 if you get caught)
  • Say you are in a band, when you really aren't (+15000)
  • Make a reference to a horribly overrated musical act which whores themselves to radio stations. (+4020 points)
  • Add lots of icons that say sappy things such as "If nothing lasts forever, will you be my nothing?" (+500 points per icon. Triple your score if the viewer's browser freezes.)
  • Take your picture using a digital camera and a mirror (+600 points)
  • Take your picture using a digital camera looking out of a window (+400 points, +300 points if you're actually emo)
  • Put game music on your profile (+5000 points)
  • Put pictures of your favorite movies/artists (+100 per artist, +200 per movie)
  • Say that you dislike reading in the "books" section of your interests section (+1300 points)
  • Fill out a personal survey (+2000 points)
  • On the personal survey, under the question "In the past month, have you gone skinny dipping?", answer with a suggestive "Maybe" (+1600 points)
  • If you are butt ugly, use sunglasses in your photo and a black and white photo (+1500 points)
  • If you are hot, put a caption under a picture that says "Ewwww...ugly" or "I hate this picture" (+9000 points)
  • List your religion as "Agnostic" or "Atheist" (+666 points)
  • List your religion as "Christian" or "Catholic" (-666 points)
  • Make ANY reference to "behind you" or "my own little universe" as your location (+650 points)
  • You link to your Live Journal, Xanga, Blog, or Geocities/AOL Hometown pages (+900 per unique link)
  • Put a tracker on your MySpace (+1000 points)
  • Claiming an age of 16+ on the setup page, but then stating that you are 15 or less on the "About Me" section (-200 points)
  • Make a reference to the "The Juggernaut Bitch!" video (+555 points, +777 if you put the video on your site)
  • Lie about your smoking/drinking preference (+400 points)
  • List your smoking/drinking preference as "No / N/A" (+1000 points)
  • Put The Melancholy Death of Oyster Boy: And Other Stories by Tim Burton as one of your favourite books (+600 points). If it is the only book in this section, (+1000 points)
  • Take a picture of yourself making a stupid face along with a fake gang sign and a description like "mHM yAh fAShO" or "100% gEtO" (+109 if you are white (and an extra +50 if you're a girl)),(-15000000 if you're actually black or in a real gang.)

Interacting with other MySpace members

  • Carry out a "Yo Mama" conversation through comments (+50 Points)
  • Carry out a bizzare role-playing game through comments (+100 points)
  • Have sex with Douglas Adams (+42 points)
  • Carry out an argument about your ex-girlfriend with your best friend who is also your exes friend. (200 points)
  • Steal someone's "comment virginity" (Post the first comment on their profile)(+6900 points every time)(+10,000 if you actually took their virginity)
  • Become friends with a celebrity (+100 points)
  • Get to really know the celebrity (+6000 points)
  • Become the member of a group (+1000 points)
  • Defame another member (+200 points)
  • Insist that Emo's arent gay (+100 points, then -4999. Tard.)
  • Post a "sexy truck" chain letter, or other similarly-named chain letters, on others' pages (+500 points per truck, +6900 point bonus if you post it on an ugly person's page)
  • If you are a girl, post comments, bulletins and blogs reagarding how sexy or sexi, sexxi, secksi, sexsi, sexxy, secksy and any other misspelling you can imagine all your female friends are (+500 points per friend, an additional +250 points if they are fat)
  • Add a link to your myspace in your AIM, MSN, Yahoo, or internet forum profile (+1200 points; +500 point bonus if the displayed text on the hyperlink is something other than the url of your myspace or the word myspace)
  • Enable one of your pictures for ranking (+5000 points, +65535 points if you average 9.5 or better)
  • Add over +1000 people you'll never communicate with to your friends list (+42000 points the first 1000, 4200 points every 500 thereafter)
  • Have sex with someone you met through MySpace (+1,000,000 points, -2,000,000 if you get caught by Dateline)
  • Cyber with the 48 year old overweight unemployed man who poses as Tila Tequila (+20000 points)
  • Have exactly 777 friends (+777 points. This also puts you in All Lucky 7's mode.)
  • Create a fake rock, punk and or metal band, and have random unknown people form opposite ends of the country post idolizing comments such as "DDDDUUUUUDDDDEEE U GUYZ ROX!!!!!KEEP IT hXc" (+5000 points, add sin(76.3) for every comment posted after the 3rd)
  • Post the same bulletin 3 times in a row (+4000 points, +950 points for every additional copy of the bulletin)
  • Beg people to leave you comments, whether it be on your pictures or your profile (+1800 points, -200 points for every comment you successfully get)
  • Add someone you don't know, and then leave them a comment that says "thanks for the add" (+20,000 points)
  • Make a bulletin bragging about new pictures (+1000, +400 point bonus if you use a misleading subject in your bulletin)
  • Tell a friend every last personal detail to your life and where you will be at any given time for the next year (+600 points)
  • Post a bulletin regarding the reader's untimely demise, posted with a misleading subject (+1230 points)
  • Post chain letters (+500 points, +200 point bonus if it is a letter regarding MySpace shutting down or your account getting deleted)
  • Have Tom on your friends list (-x points, where x is the number of friends Tom has. This can effectively sink you.)
  • Send out the bulletin stating that whoever doesn't repost is only a friend collector & will be deleted "serves them right, acting like this is a popularity contest in high school" (+5000 points, +2800 Bonus points for each friend that you delete because they didn't repost, double your score if you delete Tom for being a "friend collector")
  • Find a fanmade page for a band and leave a comment that consists of declaring your lust for the lead singer and lyrics to several of the band's songs.(+2500 points)
  • Delete a friend (-1400 points)
  • Block a friend (-10000 points)
  • Set your age to 14 so you can make your profile private (-4000 points)
  • Go by your MySpace name in the real world (+200 points, but be eaten by a Grue)
  • Be banned from the MySpace Forums (-100 points, +50 points for posting porn, sexual harassing another user, or engaging in cybersex, +100000 for trolling in the emo forum)
  • Shut down your MySpace (Game over)

The highest score ever achieved while playing myspace was made by a fellow named OMGsooohott6969, who scored 2,930,000 points. It should be pointed out, however, that OMGsooohott6969 has both a six pack and breasts and occasionally states he is a bisexual girl.


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