2007 Things that Went Wrong in 2007
1. Facebook. It is remarkably popular among people who aren't popular. The "almost geeks crowd" I call them. Cool they are not.
2. Ipod touch. The thing is great. But it doesn't save lives or contribute to world peace. And a device that great should.
3. Ryerson University. They hired university dropout Gerard Kennedy to teach for a year.
4. The Internet. As the Internet moves to become more of a video distribution system, you start to wonder if it wasn't TV that was the greatest invention after all.
5. Democracy. How come there are still communist countries like Cuba and North Korea?
6. Canada. According to the Census, one in five Canadians was born in a foreign country.
7. Ontario. According to the Census, 29% of Ontarians were born in a different country.
8. Metro Toronto. According to the Census, 46% of metro Toronto residents were born in a different country.
9.Toronto. According to the Census, HALF of all Torontonians were born in a foreign country.
10. Hérouxville. According to the Census. No Herouxvillian is foreign born. Nada. Not one. Zero. Jerks.
11. The American dollar. On the flip side, millions of Americans kept their jobs thank to the plumetting green back. Still, sucks for them when visiting no longer dirt cheap Moncton.
12. Kid Nation. I found the show quite entertaining. But it just felt wrong.
13. My cable bill. If most of TV is made in the USA, shouldn't cable/satellite TV get cheaper?
14. Bell Canada. It will be fun to see how the teachers fund improves it.
15. Pakistan. A classic case of too many people, not enough natural resources. Pakistan will suck for a long time. Blame the British.
16. Israel. Illegal occupation continues. Give the Palestinians of the West Bank full citizenship rights or get out!
17. Iran. Thank you for making Israel look like good guys. Dumbasses.
18. Stephan Dion. Although give him points for quietly dropping Gerard Kennedy.
19. The Parti Québécois. 7 million Quebeckers and you couldn't find one who speaks English?
20. Afghanistan. So why again are we there?
21. North American mobility. I spent two years in a border town. Americans aren't that bad. Lack of labour mobility between Canada and the USA is stupid.
22. Cost of a passport. So when did we become in favour of poll taxes? If having a passport is essentiall, shouldn't the cost be covered by taxes, not fees.
23. New Brunswick's new Liberal government. Reduced gas tax, raised MY income taxes. Gee, thanks.
24. Good people died to early. Bad people are still alive.
25. AIDS. HIV is the biggest killer in human history. Why aren't we dropping condoms out of airplanes over the country side of Africa? We now treat AIDS with expensive drugs, enabling people who have HIV and practice unsafe sex to live longer. Prolonging the lives of people with AIDS may feel good, but it is bad public policy if it spreads HIV in Africa.
26. Smoking. Still legal. Shouldn't be. Second hand smoke is dangerous. Children are exposed to it. That is immoral. Smoking is too addictive to be a question of personal choice. Cigarettes are highly addictive and dangerous. They should be banned now!
27. Global warming. People talk about it, but do nothing. Planting a tree does not alleviate your impact on global warming! The tree will die and release all the accumulated carbon back into the atmosphere. Why are private jets still legal? Should people without children be allowed to own a single detached dwelling? We arn't going to slow global warming by blaming evil industry.
28. Exxon. Give them points for not being hypocrites like BP, but come on.
29. Trans fat. Um, still legal why?
30. McDonald's. Missed huge opportunity in 2007 to become the healthy fast food choice.
31. Chapters-Indigo. Why does that store have a retail book store monopoly in almost every city in Canada?
32. People who didn't invest in Google. Admittedly a risky investment, but still the greatest Internet company since the invention of html.
33. Windows Vista. Wow, people really don't like it. Microsoft could make a fortune in 2007 by selling XP to all those people who currently have Vista.
34. Palm. Post it notes are better than a 2007 Palm Pilot. That is not right.
35. Internet access. Reduce the price, don't increase the bandwidth. If I want video, I'll watch TV.
36. Software. It should all be better by now.
37. Urban sprawl. Didn't start in 2007, but didn't stop. In fact, it continued to grow! Global warming AND an inconvenient life style. I don' get it.
38. Canadian cities. Raise your hand if your city got better in 2007. Jane Jacob dies and we burn all her books? Come on people!
39. Tim Hortons for not signing up with Itunes (or coming up with an alternative).
40. People who don't own a computer with Internet access. How do you live?
41. SanDisk Sansa. Good product. Terrible marketing.
42. Walmart. Why are electronics cheaper at Futureshop?
43. Every online store that doesn't accept Interact payments. There are plenty of people without credit cards out there. Many with money.
44. UPS for ripping people off with border brokerage fees. Short term profit, long term marketing nightmare.
45. Prices. Compare before you buy! The prices shouldn't still be so different, but they are.
Huh. Maybe there were only 45 things that went wrong in 2007.
That is all I have for now. On a personal note, in 2007 I declared bankruptcy, moved to a city I don't particularly like (Moncton), didn't have a threesome, but gained weight (argh!), watched way to much TV (see gaining weight) and accepted the worst job I've ever had and kept it.
On the plus side, I didn't go to jail in 2007 and, apart from TV, have no addictions to speak of. In fact, compared to Britney Spears, Paris Hilton or Conrad Black, my 2007 was pretty good, pretty good (insert Larry David voice).
Things I hope for in 2008.
1. HIV-AIDS will be cured so Africans can go back to dying of hunger.
2. I'll use all my condoms before their expiration date (with women who are less than twice my weight)
3. Threesome. I know it can't possibly be as good as imagined. And really, I could probably organise one with two unattractive fat women this afternoon if I wanted to, but a threesome remains my fantasy-goal for 2008. World peace can happen in 2009.
4. Iphone, with integrated GPS, in Canada.
5. Quebec will become a country and New Brunswick will join it.
6. All immigrants will learn how to speak English or French.
7. I will always remember to press two for French so I don't have to speak to an Indian call centre.
8. My spelling will finally improve.
9. Everybody I know will still be alive by December 31st.
10. I will learn Spanish with minimal effort.
11. I will find my old passport so I don't have to fill out that gigantic form for a new one.
12. A relative or non-gay friend will invite me to their Miami-Beach or Key West condo.
13. I will remain free and resist the (increasing) temptation to punch people who (increasingly) annoy me, particularly when surrounded by their (increasingly) stronger friends.
14. If I accept $300,000 in cash from a German-Canadian, it will be on the up and up.
Do no evil and have a great 2008!