2007-08-18

Stay in Toronto and You Will Die. Move to New Brunswick

New Brunswick needs people. Seriously, it's lonely out here. And the news! At first I thought it was a cultural thing and journalists just didn't want to report it. But the fact is, NEW BRUNSWICK HAS NO CRIME. None! Check the stats if you don't believe me.

So all you Torontonians fearing for your life, move to New Brunswick (well, not the criminals, criminals can stay in Toronto)! Probably not a good idea to move to New Brunswick if you are an illegal immigrant either. If you like to jaywalk, forgetaboutit; there are crosswalks every 100 meters and cars HAVE TO STOP!!!!! New Brunswick also has a helmet law for adults on bicycles. That kind of sucks, but I guess it is a good idea considering the large moose population (can you come up with a better explanation?).

But please, PLEASE, if you enjoy traffic jams, avoid New Brunswick at all costs. Rush hour in Moncton (New Brunswick's biggest and most important city) lasts maybe five minutes, and only IF there is construction. Moncton officials have been actively trying to crate traffic by removing lanes. But it hasn't worked.

The worst traffic I saw in New Brunswick was in Edmundston after US officials started asking for ID. The first day, wait times where as high as, gasp, 30 minutes! Now the locals bring there drivers license when they go to the USA for cheap gas, so even Edmundston is traffic jam free.

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