Canada Should Ban Pets

Global warming is happening and those drowning Bangladeshians are going to start interfering with my nightly sleep. I live in a basement apartment, I take the bus to work. I walk to the grocery store. My yearly leisure trip involves a 17 hour bus trip to Montreal. Move over Al Gore, I'm Mr. Anti-global warming.

However, I can only do so much. Time to start banning stuff. So I suggest we ban pets.

Pets eat a lot of animals. As you know, animals take a lot of land to feed. In Canada, we use plenty of fossil fuels to grow and cultivate that food. Many of the animals we feed our pets with give off alot of methane. Pets have a short life cycle, and are often disposed of  in shallow graves or the garbage (so their accumulated CO2 is returned to the atmosphere).

Many childless couples pretend their pets are children, and so justify large suburban houses with the required yard. As you know, low density housing is Canada main reason for our large per capita carbon footprint. Pets can also be noisy, discouraging high density environmentally friendly housing.

We could ban private jets, require jets landing at Pearson have a minimum of 500 passengers, raise the gas tax (or use it to fund car insurance). But all in all, since I hate dogs (I had a paper route when I was 10) and am allergic to cats, I've decided the best thing to ban are pets.

-Save the Planet: Ban Puppies